{ Mu'Mu } : The things they say

Eldest: Mum, do ALL men have beards?

Me: No. Not all men.

Eldest: Why?

Me: Because some choose to shave their beard off every day.

Eldest: What's shaving?

Me: Cutting, with a razor, very close to the skin so you can't see the hair.

Eldest: Why do they do that?

Me: Because they don't want a beard.

Eldest: Why?

Me: I don't know.

Eldest: But all men have beards if they don't shave it off?

Me: Mostly, yes.

Eldest: *I* don't have a beard

Me: You are too young. When you turn into a man then you will grow one insha'allah

Eldest: I am too young?

Me: Yes

Eldest: Why?

Me: Because

Eldest: When will I be a man?

Me: Hm... *almost verging on a metaphysical and spiritual exposition of what it means to be human and a man* ... well usually around the age of fourteen you will see your body slowly start to change into a man.

Eldest: *Satisfied* And then I'll have a beard?

Me: Insha'allah.

Eldest: *satisfied* ... *New thought arises* Mum?

Me: Mmm?

Eldest: Do WOMEN have beards?

Me: No

Eldest: Never?

Me: No

Eldest: Not even when they grow up into a man ... er .. I mean... whatever the hell it is you grow up into?

Me: Don't talk like that

Eldest: Er... Sorry. But DO they?

Me: No.

Eldest: Why??

Me: Because it's just the way it is - males have certain chemicals in their bodies that women don't have that help them to grow beards, and women have chemicals in their bodies that men don't have that help them to do thinks that males can't do - like give milk to their babies.

Eldest: So women never grow beards?

Me: No.

Eldest: Not even a moustache??

Me: *Getting bored of the conversation* No. Women don't have moustaches

Smallest, who has been observing the conversation with the rapt attention of one who watches tennis, his thumb plugged in his mouth, suddenly unplugs his gobstopper, prods me in the face with an accusing finger and shouts: "YOU DO"

Eldest: *looks really closely at my face* oh YEAAAAH. Mum why do YOU have a moustache - are you a man?

*I slink away to find hair remover, and ponder the adage 'out of the mouth of babes' and wonder if that's why they invented duct tape....